Touch your genitals with LOVE
Here’s How To Renovate Your Relationship With Your Pleasure
Have you ever touched your genitals with an intention of love?
My professional & personal work reflects that embodied love is the foundation for sexual thriving.
Given this, it’s funny that we generally only touch our genitals for hygienic or sexual reasons.
So I love to touch my pussy with love.
Connecting with her, as the sacred & powerful part of my body that she is.
A part of me that has been subjected to a swarm of untrue messages of not looking/smelling/tasting/feeling how she’s ‘supposed to’.
A part of me that needs & thrives off of love.
When we open to pleasure, we open to pain
Living a pleasure filled life will not corrupt you.
And again, so it sinks in before you keep on scrolling...
Living a pleasure filled life will not corrupt you.
But I reeaaaally understand why you think it could...
The church taught us that it was sinful to seek pleasure; and our language around pleasure is still permeated with negative associations.
If you are like most folks, pursuits of pleasure that extend past the constraints of your ‘pleasure comfort zone’ triggers inner conditioning around selfishness & immorality.
We are a society that is afraid of pleasure.
Uncovering your deepest hungers
“When we open to pleasure, we open to pain.”
I have offered these words, in varying iterations, to every single one of my clients.
Each time, they are met with a reaction that I would best describe as ‘acknowledgement + discomfort’.
Our lives lead us to develop uncomfortable & disempowering relationships with our emotions.
We are taught that sad = bad.
Anger = bad.
Fear = bad.
So each time these emotions are stirred within us, they can be accompanied with a second layer of feelings & stories.
Breath your way to ecstacy
I have been thinking a lot about wanting. About what it means to be desirous as humans.
It is damn hard to acknowledge (or even identify) our realest, deepest, most hungered for desires.
To want, is to be vulnerable. It’s risky. We don’t want to open ourselves up to the hurt that allowing our wanting might bring.
Because, what if we don’t get it? What if we lose it? What might that mean about us? What if our wants are bigger than our lives can hold?
I want to share with you the magic of a straightforward practice that can transform your experience of sex (which absolutely includes self pleasure).
Conscious breathing during sex!
It opens you up to more pleasure.
It brings you into connection with your unconscious & subconscious mind.
It facilitates a flow of erotic energy throughout your entire body.
I love this tool because it's simple, powerful & easily accessed - with a little practice.
Sometimes it feels as though knocking on our bedroom doors, are our unwelcome friends ‘judgement’ and ‘failure’. There seems to be a inextricable, yet inaccurate relationship between sex/love, and the fear of failure.
You have no doubt heard the all too familiar tall tales;
No orgasm? = You failed sex
Can’t get it up? = You failed manhood
Divorce? = You failed marriage
We have become obsessed with squeezing our relationships between the narrowest of parameters. Parameters that dictate ‘goals’ that aren’t actual requirements for pleasure, nor happiness.
TURNING OFF YOUR OFFS
It starts with a confession.
I have had an STI/STD.
A fact that broke me for a good month or so, after I received a positive test result. I was devastated. I was terrified that this rendered me unloveable, scared that this had taken a permanent hit to my worth, and was convinced that I would never feel sexy again.
FLIP THE SCRIPT.
Essential to enhancing your sexual experience, is “turning off your offs”. Mastering this little known, but somewhat obvious secret, is the key to experiencing your very best pleasure. Including your very best orgasms, if you are indeed orgasmic. This is because your best kind of pleasure, is conjured up in your best kind of context.
Pleasure Cums First.
All too often, our lives are dictated by a script that we are handed. These 'rules' often prescribe how we should behave as men and women; impose upon us what professions are ‘acceptable’; and have become incredibly influential in governing both our sexuality and relationships. This phenomenon sees most people letting their lives happen to them. Rather than making empowered and conscious decisions for themselves.
Hair. Down There.
Carpe Diem. Be present. Live in the moment, they say! This way of living and thinking has been welcomed into many of our lives, but hasn’t quite made it’s way beneath the sheets.
It turns out, that we have an uncool obsession with sexual ‘performance’ and having sex only to have orgasms. This obsession has nurtured an environment where many of our sexual experiences can be disingenuous, pressure filled, and outcome fuelled.
The Wetter. The Better.
Bush. Pubes. Tuft. Forbidden forest. Garden. Muff. All names we have used to refer to our ‘hair down there’. Over the course of human history, female pubic hair trends, have gone from ‘disco bush’ to ‘hardwood floors’, and many-a-variation in-between. But somewhere along the line, ‘balding your beaver’ has become more of an expectation, than a choice.
Paying for Porn.
Back in 2015, the infamous MMA fighter Ronda Rousey, publicly labelled women who use personal lubricants as “gritty kitty bitches”. This bold claim was made when defending her embarrassingly ill informed sex column in Maxim magazine, where she told readers that;
“You should never need lube in your life. If you need lube, than [sic] you’re being lazy… and you’re not taking your time.”
Whilst I agree with her sentiment to ‘take your time’ (cause foreplay is not a suggestion, it’s mandatory) Ronda is exactly wrong.
I am firmly of the belief, that where there is sex, there should be lube! Why? Because, in the words of the incomparable Emily Nagoski, “lubrication is not causation”.
The Great Orgasm Gap.
SIXTY FOUR MILLION. The number of visitors who stop by PornHub, every day. That’s 44,000 sets of eyeballs every minute. In 2016, PornHubbers watched a whopping 4,599,000,000 hours of content. And Pornhub is only the world wide webs fifth most visited porn site. It’s safe to say, we consume a hell-of-a-lot of porn!
Many of us, who have the means, are conscious of where our goods and services come from. We care about environmental impact, working conditions and the corporations that we cast our ‘consumer votes’ to. Yet, we don’t hold ourselves (or each other) to the same standards when it comes to consuming porn.
Perhaps this is because we are uncomfortable engaging in a public dialogue about our porn watching habits? Or perhaps it’s because our unjustified judgements of sex workers helps us turn a blind eye? Or perhaps we just didn’t realise there were any alternatives?
Every day, all over the world, women are faking orgasms. Despite being bombarded by ‘sex’ in a hyper-sexualised environment, we have so much to learn.
I’ll admit it. I’ve faked it. And according to a study by the University of Kansas, so have over 80% of all women. Personally, I only know one woman who has never faked an orgasm.
This is a systematic problem in our society.