Essential to enhancing your sexual experience, is “turning off your offs”. Mastering this little known, but somewhat obvious secret, is the key to experiencing your very best pleasure. Including your very best orgasms, if you are indeed orgasmic. This is because your best kind of pleasure, is conjured up in your best kind of context.

So... what exactly is an ‘off’? I’m not necessarily talking about the physical characteristics and personality traits on your deal breaker list. I’m talking about things that ‘distract’ you in the moment. Things that redirect some, or all, of your focus towards your ‘off’ and away from your pleasure.

Everyone’s ‘offs’ are different. Some people have just a couple of them, while others have a longer list. Here are a couple of examples:

Time Pressure

You’ve only got ten minutes to slip in a quickie, before you need to go to sleep, or get up for work. You wish you could fully submerge into pleasure in your ten precious minutes, but you can’t stop counting down the clock. Which frustrates you entirely, and renders your play session not-so-satisfying.


It’s colder than the Arctic. Your toes are ice cubes. So are your Lovers. You are consciously avoiding touching him/her/they with your new found weapons of destruction. God forbid they touch you with theirs!


It’s been one-hell-of a long day, week, month, or even... year. You have drowsily summoned the last of your emotional and physical energy to give in to your partner’s telltale hints for sex. After 20 minutes of foreplay you are kind of enjoying yourself, but you just can’t stop thinking about the long list of things you need to do before you go to sleep. So distracting! Gah!

Get to know yourself.

I invite you to join me in an exercise of self-discovery. We should know what gets our motors a-humming, and what slams on our brakes. Cast your mind back to your most deliciously pleasurable love making moments. What was sooo right about it? What was sooo wrong?

Had the sheets just been cleaned? Were you on holiday and completely stress free? Was it at a time when you had no place you needed to be that afternoon? Were you feeling particularly radiant thanks to the squillions of compliments your Lover drowned you in the night before?

Once you have identified your possible ‘offs’, you can explore ways of minimising them, or banishing them from your boudoir altogether. The way you feel about your offs, may never change. But with a bit of pragmatism you can change your context, so that your ‘offs’ aren’t triggered when you are getting busy.

If feel rushed by time constraints, think about prioritising and diarising a pleasure session with your lover(s), or yourself, that is at least an hour long. If your mind gets distracted from pleasure when you are stressed out, prelude sex with some deep meditative breathing, a healing nature walk, or some primal yelling into your pillow (#whateverdoesthetrick). If your Lover routinely does something in bed that doesn’t exactly ‘put the wind in your sails’, tell them about it! At a well thought out time, in a non-threatening, non-judgmental way that doesn’t immediately precede or follow intercourse, of course. And if you have cold feet, put some socks on!

Despite what we’ve been told, there is absolutely no one ‘right’ way to have sex. Whatever special recipe works for you, is the exact right way for you! Excluding unethical practices, of course. So grant yourself a little space and patience to learn and manage your ‘offs’, as well as your Lovers. Be brave and get creative when it comes to reducing or eliminating them. Don't be afraid of a little trial and error. It is through this work, that you can truly step into your full potential for intoxicating pleasure.


What do you reckon?

What are your 'offs'? And what could you do to manage them? Let me know below!