The Wetter. The Better.

BACK IN 2015, the infamous MMA fighter Ronda Rousey, publicly labelled women who use personal lubricants as “gritty kitty bitches”. This bold claim was made when defending her embarrassingly ill informed sex column in Maxim magazine, where she told readers that;

“You should never need lube in your life. If you need lube, than [sic] you’re being lazy… and you’re not taking your time.”

Whilst I agree with her sentiment to ‘take your time’ (cause foreplay is not a suggestion, it’s mandatory) Ronda is exactly wrong.

I am firmly of the belief, that where there is sex, there should be lube! Why? Because, in the words of the incomparable Emily Nagoski, “lubrication is not causation”.

What the fuck does that mean?

Check it. It is a scientifically agreed fact that our bodies do not necessarily respond with genital arousal, in a way that matches our mental experiences. This is called ‘sexual non-concordance’. Let me explain...

For men, there is roughly a 50% overlap between what the mind wants and how the penis behaves. This explains those times where a man is rearing to go in the head, but the goods just aren’t playing ball.

For us ladies, the overlap is even lower. At a teeny, tiny 10%. This means that a vagina bearing individual can be absolutely gagging for it upstairs, but downstairs is still…. kinda dry? The reverse can also be true. A wet pussy, isn’t necessarily a reliable sign that it’s owner wants, or is ready, for intercourse.

If any of this sounds familiar, it in NO WAY, means you are broken, lesser, or inadequate. In fact, it means that you are human and entirely normal. Here we find, yet another perfect example of a discrepancy between what our culture tells us about sex, and what biology knows about sex.

Lube! For! Everyone!

Regardless of how aligned your mental and genital stimulation is, you should have some lube in your sexy artillery.

Why? For many-a-reasons:

  • It reduces friction, thus can increase pleasure

  • It is absolutely mandatory for anal play and fisting (if you are this way inclined)

  • It significantly increases the effectiveness of barriers (that’s your condoms and dams), by reducing the risk of tearing. Here’s a bonus tip; pop a few drops in the inside tip of your condom for better sensation.

But buyer beware! Not all lube is created equal...

When shopping for your next tube of lube, you need to know a few important facts.

Firstly, always ensure you are buying brands that are body safe. This means checking the bottle is labelled as petrochemical-free, glycerin-free and paraben-free.

From here, weigh up your pros and cons of the lubricant types below:

  • Water-based: These babies are slippery, fairly thin in consistency, and may need to be reapplied. They are easy to clean up with water only, and can be safely used with silicone toys.

  • Oil-based: A good choice for sensitive skin, that is naturally moisturising and generally long lasting. However, these lubes are incompatible with latex condoms and can leave stains on your sheets/couch/floor/table/chair/ceiling(?), so don’t forget to pop down a towel before you play.

  • Silicone-based: My pick of the bunch! These lubricants are thick, safe to use with barriers and have serious lasting power for those marathon sex missions. They are unlikely to cause allergic reactions or yeast infections, and dry to a comfortable powder finish. You will need to jump in the shower and soap up for clean up, and don’t forget that these lubes can damage your silicone toys. However, you can avoid this by popping a condom over your favourite vibrator or dildo! This also makes clean-up eeeasy peeeaasy.

So remember lovers! If your genitals ain’t responding to your crazy horny mind, you are totally normal! And if your genitals and your mind are inextricably connected, you are also totally normal! Regardless of where you sit, wetter is always better. And a bottle of lube (or many bottles in my case) would be right at home on your night stand.

What’s your experience?

What's your experience with sexual non-concordance? Do you have a go to lube? Tell me below!