Posts tagged sex
REFRAMING FAILURE

Sometimes it feels as though knocking on our bedroom doors, are our unwelcome friends ‘judgement’ and ‘failure’. There seems to be a inextricable, yet inaccurate relationship between sex/love, and the fear of failure. 

You have no doubt heard the all too familiar tall tales; 

No orgasm? = You failed sex

Can’t get it up? = You failed manhood

Divorce? = You failed marriage

We have become obsessed with squeezing our relationships between the narrowest of parameters. Parameters that dictate ‘goals’ that aren’t actual requirements for pleasure, nor happiness. 

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FLIP THE SCRIPT.

All too often, our lives are dictated by a script that we are handed. These 'rules' often prescribe how we should behave as men and women; impose upon us what professions are ‘acceptable’; and have become incredibly influential in governing both our sexuality and relationships. This phenomenon sees most people letting their lives happen to them. Rather than making empowered and conscious decisions for themselves.

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The Wetter. The Better.

Back in 2015, the infamous MMA fighter Ronda Rousey, publicly labelled women who use personal lubricants as “gritty kitty bitches”. This bold claim was made when defending her embarrassingly ill informed sex column in Maxim magazine, where she told readers that;

“You should never need lube in your life. If you need lube, than [sic] you’re being lazy… and you’re not taking your time.”

Whilst I agree with her sentiment to ‘take your time’ (cause foreplay is not a suggestion, it’s mandatory) Ronda is exactly wrong.

I am firmly of the belief, that where there is sex, there should be lube! Why? Because, in the words of the incomparable Emily Nagoski, “lubrication is not causation”.

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The Great Orgasm Gap.

Every day, all over the world, women are faking orgasms. Despite being bombarded by ‘sex’ in a hyper-sexualised environment, we have so much to learn.

I’ll admit it. I’ve faked it. And according to a study by the University of Kansas, so have over 80% of all women. Personally, I only know one woman who has never faked an orgasm.

This is a systematic problem in our society.

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