All too often, our lives are dictated by a script that we are handed. These 'rules' often prescribe how we should behave as men and women; impose upon us what professions are ‘acceptable’; and have become incredibly influential in governing both our sexuality and relationships. This phenomenon sees most people letting their lives happen to them. Rather than making empowered and conscious decisions for themselves.

Over my lifetime, I have come head to head with many social constructs. Amidst all the fear, criticisms and judgement, my biggest learning from my journey to date, is to always ask questions.

We are told that LOVE = man + woman. We are told that SEX = hard penis in wet vagina + orgasms. We are told that MARRIAGE = ‘settling down’ + monogamy. We are told that KIDS are a product of a monogamous, heterosexual relationship. And it is implied or often explicit, that a life absent of these characteristics is somehow… lesser.

But these represent only a hand full of many truths, all of which are equally worthy! Some of us know this, but not enough of us genuinely question whether the ‘truths’ imposed upon us actually align with our best, most authentic selves.

Let me explain...

There is a difference, between getting married because you are ‘supposed to’, and getting married because you have put honest, genuine thought into whether marriage is the best decision for you and then concluded that yes indeed marriage aligns with your best life and thus you get happily married.

There should be a preference and a respect, for couples who determine that monogamy is not desirable for them and decide to ethically open their relationship to other lovers. Over, a couple who unconsciously agrees to a monogamous relationship, ignoring that one or both members of the partnership has a deep resentment for the sexual boundaries, which leads them to experience deep resentment, or may even result in them engaging in unethical cheating.

The examples go on. You may even have a number of your own.

Don’t get me wrong. Marriage is awesome! If that’s authentically right for you. Monogamy is also totally awesome! If that’s authentically right for you. Being cisgendered, straight, with 3 kids, living in a house with a white picket fence is also totally awesome! What’s not awesome… Living a life dictated by rules that you did not even consent to, but somehow abide by.


Let’s start deciding for ourselves. Let’s stop being pressured to explain, defend or amend our decisions if they stray from the ‘norm’. Let’s flip the fucking script, ask all of the questions, and start authoring lives comprised of conscious decisions that actually align with our wants, needs and desires!

This, for me, is the very foundation for cultivating my very best and most authentic life. Perhaps it is for you too?

Photography by yours truly.


Your thoughts?

What 'rules' have governed your past, present or future? What have you learnt and experienced? Let me know below!